Growing forward

Growing forward   ‘Be bold. Be strong. Never give UP.’ Psalm 31:24     * NPC: 2011/004081/08  * 18A Tax Exempt Status ((PBO) file no. 930/036/181

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Helen Keller “The signs and evidence of pain and suffering are everywhere. Sometimes it is close by while other times it hovers in the distance, touching others.” – A.Jennings This weekend, we were once again encouraged by the resilience of the human spirit as fUSS delivered training session at the African Leaders Institute for Community Transformation (ALICT.org) to students from 26 countries.  During an intensive 3 month period, ALICT students are trained in a variety of community transformation strategies. Since 2010 fUSS has played a role in addressing the impact of loss in the lives of ALICT students, helping them on the journey of growing forward, through their pain, incorporating the variety of experiences into their lives. Thus aiding them to live, strengthened by the experience of pain, rather than a victim thereof.  When we experience loss, it seems impossible that anything ‘worse’ can happen to us; it feels like the sun has set on us.  I listened as a young man, through waterlogged-eyes, explained to me:  ‘When my family (parents, three siblings and grandfather) was killed in the civil war, I only had my baby brother with me.  At times I felt ‘why didn’t they kill us too?’ – not because I didn’t want to live; at 13, I just couldn’t bear the responsibility of caring for my little brother. Years went by, the war ended, I got married and even my ‘baby’ brother started a family with a wife he loved.  Sadly, they both died in an accident, and their little baby became our child…”   I listened as he talked, and after he finished his story, we investigated some of the ‘happier’ memories he shared with his brother as they were growing up, the struggles they overcame, and the happiness they shared as they started their families.  Once again, the tears flowed over his cheeks.  This time, with joyful memories.  “These aren’t sad tears. Yes, I miss him. I miss feeling like we’re a big family. But I have such love and joy in my heart when I talk of him. I know that I can deposit a memory bank of good memories into the lives of our children.  And they can also feel part of our family legacy.”   Growing through pain takes time.  When we build a house, we build it brick-by-brick.  When we learn to live with a loss or life-changing event, we rebuild our lives ‘brick-by-brick’ too. Patience and persistence are two key-words in re-adjusting our ‘new’ lives as we learn to live with the change. We need: Patience to grow slowly.  Persistence to keep going. When we experience a big loss in our lives, it is normal to feel that our life has fallen apart. As you embark on the growth-journey, it can however be helpful encouragement for our journey, when we look for some good things; we might find some good that has come from the situation.   Among other things, here are some resilience-characteristics we have been fortunate to observe in the lives of those that we work with. Resilient people: •  are strengthened as they grow through their experience; •  come through the experience whole and focused (albeit with a few battle-scars); •   have a clear plan for their lives and have not allowed their loss to stop them from having hope for their future; •  become a person who is an inspiration to others. •  support other people to help them through their experiences. •  share their growth-journey, in order to give hope to those who face similar situations.     “The sun will come up tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar there’s tomorrow!” - Annie If you are going through a time where you feel live is ‘squeezing’ you, may you be like a sponge and bounce back as the ‘squeeze’ is released. And remember the cheerful song of the little-curly-red-haired-rosy-cheek-orphan-girl Annie as you grow one step, one day at a time.   Be encouraged by our foundational biblical verses that say: “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, He will help you catch your breath.” –  Psalm 34:18, The Message    'Be bold. Be strong. Never give UP.’ Psalm 31:24   Want to chat or get in touch? Follow the link via the websites below: facingUP Support Services: * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 PO BOX 14, HOWARD PLACE, 7450 Fax:  +27 (0)86 762 5024  Directors: Dr. SH Walsh, Mr. IS Smith, Mr. E Lombard www.facingupsa.org  /  www.lostandfoundnow.org          (If you need help in the UK, contact our UK partners: www.twup.org.uk) All pictures and content is protected under copyright law. Should you want to use any of it, please contact fUSS.

Positvely Angry

Positively Angry   ‘In your anger, do not sin’ Ephesians 4:26 * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status ((PBO) file no. 930/036/181
“Anyone can become angry – that’s easy.  But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right purpose and reason, and in the right way…that is not easy.”  Aristotle
As fUSS, we have constantly try look for appropriate ways to encourage and support Educators (parents and other key role players) in their quest of forming young people.  Together with our Lost&Found programme in schools, Emotional Awareness Training sessions, and informative talks at Parent Evenings, we also offer our Positively Angry Training sessions to Educators. This is our way of helping schools and communities become a place where young people can feel safe and unthreatened.   Anger helps us to distinguish between “right” and “wrong” and whether a specific action/behaviour is acceptable or unacceptable.  When something is unacceptable (abuse, neglect or violation of human rights) we sometimes see ‘Positive Anger’ actions displayed in order to overcome these wrongs.	"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry." - Winston Churchill
Just as the concept as love is predominantly formed within the family unit and immediate community, appropriate responses to anger is formed within families and communities. Recent stats showed: -  1/3 young people consider it acceptable to use forceful aggression toward someone who treats them in an unfair manner;  family violence is one of the main contributors toward crime and violence. (Stats SA)
Positive Anger can be defined as our aim to correct injustices in a constructive manner.  This type of ‘anger’ is best described as discontent and frustration, which is born out of injustices.
How you respond will affect the other person.  And, when it’s someone with whom the relationship matter, try not to be destructive in your approach.  How we respond, can buildUP someone (friends, colleague, family member, ‘neighbour’) When you next get angry about something, in your (re)action to the ‘anger trigger’, keep the following in mind… We can buildUP someone or we can break someone down by:
§  The things we say to them (in anger)  (Destructive = insulting, belittling, threatening, bullying) §  The things we say about them (Destructive = gossiping, false accusations, bad-mouthing) §  How we act towards them (Destructive = discriminating, shouting, pushing/shoving, physical violence) §  How we treat them (Destructive = ignoring, giving the cold shoulder, rejecting, labelling)
As an adult, we have the opportunity to teach our children how to turn anger into a Powerful Positive Attitude. How? Here are some things to keep in mind: ü  I always have the choice to choose my reaction when I get angry.  Use your response as a teachable moment for your children. ü  Not many good things can come from handling a situation in a destructive way.  It often leads to unhappiness, pain, more arguing, hurtful words and actions, and eventually a very negative situation. ü  Positive Anger allows me to grow, develop understanding, develop relationships and allow others to benefit.   We hope that, as we all faceUP to our own anger challenges, we are all encouraged to act with positive anger toward “the right things, at the right time, in the right way.” If you don’t get it right the first time, take heart and remember Psalm 34.    Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. (Psalm 34:10)         facingUP Support Services: * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 PO BOX 14, HOWARD PLACE, 7450 Fax:  +27 (0)86 762 5024 Directors: Dr. SH Walsh, Mr. IS Smith, Mr. E Lombard www.facingupsa.org  /  www.lostandfoundnow.org

LOVE TOUGH
"Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity." - Og Mandino “In order to succeed in life, you need to stay motivated in the lows and focuses in the highs.”
Last week South Africa saw the running of the Ultimate Human Race...Comrades Marathon 2013. It's tough, but people love it. South Africa plays host to many such endurance events, with the Comrades, Iron Man, Two Oceans Ultra Marathon, Otter Trail Run, Cape Epic Mountain Bike Race among the finest (and toughest) endurance events “in the world”– said in a Jeremy Clarkson Top Gear voice. There is, of course, also the Cape Argus Pick&Pay Cycle Tour, a favourite event of many people.
As fUSS, we have had a numerous people Sweat4(Good)2 in aid of raising awareness and funds for our Lost&Found course, saddlingUP and lacingUP for these various events.  The months of preparation, participation in ‘training’ events leading up to the main Race Day has highlighted two major characteristics about these people:   * They show commitment to seeing through their goal. (especially through the rough patches)   * They love tough.
In life we face daily tough situations. Heck, in SA we even had a shoe for kids called 'Toughies'. The manufacturers obviously knew SA needs a Bata-brand relevant to our conditions! But what do tough situations do for you? Here are just three things which, when you critically look at your own growth through your tough situation, will help you to celebrate your own growth with resilience to faceUP to your next challenging situation.
Tough situations…
1)       teach you discipline: When facingUP to a due-date of an endurance event, there are many early mornings sacrificed and many other aspects to ‘give up’ in order to achieve the goal.  However, when there is a reason bigger than yourself, it makes this sacrifice worth it.  In tough situation, those who come through them with resilience will often tell you that they decided every day, to do what is ‘necessary in order to create the tomorrow they were committed to.’(Anthony Robbins)
Action	See yourself beyond the darkness you find yourself in, this will help you to grow through the experience.
2)       refines your focus: ‘When I know what I want to achieve, I make decisions that are in line with that goal, and employ actions that will support my effort to succeed. I don’t put unnecessary pressure on myself, but I know what I want to achieve.’ – Bruce Fordyce, Legendary Comrades Marathon Champion.  During tough times our capacity is restricted. We have limited emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual strength during such times.
Action:	Have clear focus on what you need to do in a given day and week.  Make lists and celebrate when you’ve done them.  Athletes take great pleasure in penning down their training log.  Do the same for your victories.
3)       strengthen relationships – with self and others: Over a six to nine month period, Comrades athletes (typically) run 1500km (930 miles) in training for the 89km (56km) race. During this time, inevitably, you get to spend a lot of time with yourself, leading to getting to know yourself very well.  A solid bond is also established between fellow athletes, leading to a sharing of lives and blossoming of relationships. When tough situations come knocking in your life, our inclination is often to ‘show people I can get through this on my own’.  Whilst independence is not a bad thing, in tough times, true friendships (and sometimes new relationships) are discovered, moulded, and tempered.
Action:	Make an effort to not exclude people from your life when things are tough. It’s OK to ask for help and assistance. King Solomon said: If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Eccl. 4:9-12, NLT)
Whilst no one wishes for difficulty and struggles in their lives, it will happen.  However, if we learn to Love Tough, chances are that you will rise with resilience as you grow through the situation. If you currently find yourself down in the valley of despair, may these words, the foundation of facingUP Support Services’ aim to support, encourage and celebrate, is rooted in Psalm 34.  May it prop you up and encourage you on your journey: Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. (Psalm 34:10)     facingUP Support Services: * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 PO BOX 14, HOWARD PLACE, 7450 Fax:  +27 (0)86 762 5024 Directors: Dr. SH Walsh, Mr. IS Smith, Mr. E Lombard www.facingupsa.org  /  www.lostandfoundnow.org   (Image: threestarandsdesign.com)