Positvely Angry

Positively Angry   ‘In your anger, do not sin’ Ephesians 4:26 * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status ((PBO) file no. 930/036/181
“Anyone can become angry – that’s easy.  But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right purpose and reason, and in the right way…that is not easy.”  Aristotle
As fUSS, we have constantly try look for appropriate ways to encourage and support Educators (parents and other key role players) in their quest of forming young people.  Together with our Lost&Found programme in schools, Emotional Awareness Training sessions, and informative talks at Parent Evenings, we also offer our Positively Angry Training sessions to Educators. This is our way of helping schools and communities become a place where young people can feel safe and unthreatened.   Anger helps us to distinguish between “right” and “wrong” and whether a specific action/behaviour is acceptable or unacceptable.  When something is unacceptable (abuse, neglect or violation of human rights) we sometimes see ‘Positive Anger’ actions displayed in order to overcome these wrongs.	"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry." - Winston Churchill
Just as the concept as love is predominantly formed within the family unit and immediate community, appropriate responses to anger is formed within families and communities. Recent stats showed: -  1/3 young people consider it acceptable to use forceful aggression toward someone who treats them in an unfair manner;  family violence is one of the main contributors toward crime and violence. (Stats SA)
Positive Anger can be defined as our aim to correct injustices in a constructive manner.  This type of ‘anger’ is best described as discontent and frustration, which is born out of injustices.
How you respond will affect the other person.  And, when it’s someone with whom the relationship matter, try not to be destructive in your approach.  How we respond, can buildUP someone (friends, colleague, family member, ‘neighbour’) When you next get angry about something, in your (re)action to the ‘anger trigger’, keep the following in mind… We can buildUP someone or we can break someone down by:
§  The things we say to them (in anger)  (Destructive = insulting, belittling, threatening, bullying) §  The things we say about them (Destructive = gossiping, false accusations, bad-mouthing) §  How we act towards them (Destructive = discriminating, shouting, pushing/shoving, physical violence) §  How we treat them (Destructive = ignoring, giving the cold shoulder, rejecting, labelling)
As an adult, we have the opportunity to teach our children how to turn anger into a Powerful Positive Attitude. How? Here are some things to keep in mind: ü  I always have the choice to choose my reaction when I get angry.  Use your response as a teachable moment for your children. ü  Not many good things can come from handling a situation in a destructive way.  It often leads to unhappiness, pain, more arguing, hurtful words and actions, and eventually a very negative situation. ü  Positive Anger allows me to grow, develop understanding, develop relationships and allow others to benefit.   We hope that, as we all faceUP to our own anger challenges, we are all encouraged to act with positive anger toward “the right things, at the right time, in the right way.” If you don’t get it right the first time, take heart and remember Psalm 34.    Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. (Psalm 34:10)         facingUP Support Services: * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 PO BOX 14, HOWARD PLACE, 7450 Fax:  +27 (0)86 762 5024 Directors: Dr. SH Walsh, Mr. IS Smith, Mr. E Lombard www.facingupsa.org  /  www.lostandfoundnow.org

LOVE TOUGH
"Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity." - Og Mandino “In order to succeed in life, you need to stay motivated in the lows and focuses in the highs.”
Last week South Africa saw the running of the Ultimate Human Race...Comrades Marathon 2013. It's tough, but people love it. South Africa plays host to many such endurance events, with the Comrades, Iron Man, Two Oceans Ultra Marathon, Otter Trail Run, Cape Epic Mountain Bike Race among the finest (and toughest) endurance events “in the world”– said in a Jeremy Clarkson Top Gear voice. There is, of course, also the Cape Argus Pick&Pay Cycle Tour, a favourite event of many people.
As fUSS, we have had a numerous people Sweat4(Good)2 in aid of raising awareness and funds for our Lost&Found course, saddlingUP and lacingUP for these various events.  The months of preparation, participation in ‘training’ events leading up to the main Race Day has highlighted two major characteristics about these people:   * They show commitment to seeing through their goal. (especially through the rough patches)   * They love tough.
In life we face daily tough situations. Heck, in SA we even had a shoe for kids called 'Toughies'. The manufacturers obviously knew SA needs a Bata-brand relevant to our conditions! But what do tough situations do for you? Here are just three things which, when you critically look at your own growth through your tough situation, will help you to celebrate your own growth with resilience to faceUP to your next challenging situation.
Tough situations…
1)       teach you discipline: When facingUP to a due-date of an endurance event, there are many early mornings sacrificed and many other aspects to ‘give up’ in order to achieve the goal.  However, when there is a reason bigger than yourself, it makes this sacrifice worth it.  In tough situation, those who come through them with resilience will often tell you that they decided every day, to do what is ‘necessary in order to create the tomorrow they were committed to.’(Anthony Robbins)
Action	See yourself beyond the darkness you find yourself in, this will help you to grow through the experience.
2)       refines your focus: ‘When I know what I want to achieve, I make decisions that are in line with that goal, and employ actions that will support my effort to succeed. I don’t put unnecessary pressure on myself, but I know what I want to achieve.’ – Bruce Fordyce, Legendary Comrades Marathon Champion.  During tough times our capacity is restricted. We have limited emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual strength during such times.
Action:	Have clear focus on what you need to do in a given day and week.  Make lists and celebrate when you’ve done them.  Athletes take great pleasure in penning down their training log.  Do the same for your victories.
3)       strengthen relationships – with self and others: Over a six to nine month period, Comrades athletes (typically) run 1500km (930 miles) in training for the 89km (56km) race. During this time, inevitably, you get to spend a lot of time with yourself, leading to getting to know yourself very well.  A solid bond is also established between fellow athletes, leading to a sharing of lives and blossoming of relationships. When tough situations come knocking in your life, our inclination is often to ‘show people I can get through this on my own’.  Whilst independence is not a bad thing, in tough times, true friendships (and sometimes new relationships) are discovered, moulded, and tempered.
Action:	Make an effort to not exclude people from your life when things are tough. It’s OK to ask for help and assistance. King Solomon said: If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Eccl. 4:9-12, NLT)
Whilst no one wishes for difficulty and struggles in their lives, it will happen.  However, if we learn to Love Tough, chances are that you will rise with resilience as you grow through the situation. If you currently find yourself down in the valley of despair, may these words, the foundation of facingUP Support Services’ aim to support, encourage and celebrate, is rooted in Psalm 34.  May it prop you up and encourage you on your journey: Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. (Psalm 34:10)     facingUP Support Services: * NPC: 2011/004081/08 * 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 PO BOX 14, HOWARD PLACE, 7450 Fax:  +27 (0)86 762 5024 Directors: Dr. SH Walsh, Mr. IS Smith, Mr. E Lombard www.facingupsa.org  /  www.lostandfoundnow.org   (Image: threestarandsdesign.com)

NPC: 2011/004081/08 18A Tax Exempt Status (PBO) file no. 930/036/181 www.facingupsa.org / lostandfoundsa.org	** “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears…” Lend / Verb// - Grant to (someone) the use of (something) on the understanding that it shall be returned. Ear Vertebrate organ of hearing, responsible for maintaining equilibrium as well as sensing sound.
 Listening asks for more than the use of your ear “What’s the use of ears if you don’t even plan to use them?  I mean, whenever I say something, they already have a solution, or a strategy or the usual   ‘you-should-rather-have…’ reply ready.” (15 year old girl, sharing her frustration of not being listened to.)   Previously, we blogged about the value and positive changes that we see when adults, in particular the Teachers, to whom facingUP Support Services (fUSS) deliver our Emotional Awareness Training, start understanding the value of listening - to each other, as well as to learners and their own kids.
“In the craziness of preparing dinner, knowing I’m going to be late for the Parents’ evening at school, my kids want to talk to me. Not chat, talk! But I know I’m not listening.  So what am I doing?” asked a mother of three during a training session.  Well, in those situations - and let’s be honest, we all face similar situations daily - I think it’s safe to say you’re merely hearing. Listening means attentiveness, entwined with consideration, thoughtfulness and concentration. And that comes through your posture as well as expressions. Hearing means you register some noise, make some return-noises (or give stock-answers) in the direction where the noise is coming from. My theory is this: Listening registers in the heart. Hearing registers in the head. Many parents feel guilty for not listening (for various reasons) to their children. Our encouragement at training sessions is often this:  It is normal to find that your ears are stuck in neutral, un-engaged in the crazy-hour of the evening (or pre-school morning drill).  And, as life would have it, this would normally be the time that your beloved little rosy-cheeked ray of sunshine (or husband) would like to tell you, in full detail, about the issue that all-consuming issue. The only thing you want to bark is: “Go away”, “not now” or, the more polite ones out there, “can’t you see I’m busy, please...?” But any of the afore mentioned can deep-fry you in guilt…or worse, get the dreaded attitudinal-stare (pic left) Whilst some conversations (where ears are in gear) can happen during the normal course of a day, sometimes we need to be able to listen with full engagement. In the madness of daily life, this is not always easy. So, here’s an AAH strategy you could try next time you find yourself stuck between ‘must-listen’ and ‘stuff-that-must-happen-I-can’t-listen-now’: Acknowledge… to your precious one that you would love to listen to their story and not miss anything! However, right now, with the slushing-sounds of the washing machine, the nuclear drone of the microwave cooking the rice for din-din, and the onions ruining your make-up, you’re concerned you might miss out on some of the details of their story. Ask… if it would be OK if you can listen to them later? Suggest that you can make the two of you a hot chocolate later, and then they can tell you the whole story. Experience will help you to determine whether this is the type of conversation that would benefit all your attention right away. Be sure to evaluate the issue with sensitivity. If it's a 'have-it-now' chat, then do it. Honour… your commitment to a later talk-time. Chances are that you still have a long list of stuff requiring your attention. If you are really pressed for time – honour your commitment of earlier – but feel free to tell the person that you have 13 minutes, but would love to hear what they have to say. (Reserve your answers/advice/sermon for a later stage. remember, most people will ask for advice or answers.)   In a survey we conducted, more than 80% of young people we work with indicated that the fact that they 'have been able to voice their issue to someone who cares for them, is a help' in itself. Therefore,  we encourage you to take time to listen to them. Young people are in a formative stage of their lives, and benefit from 'bouncing' their opinions and learnings against a safe ear. Be sure to play nice.  Next time we'll look at some basic listening skills to help you make the most of your ear-engagement.
** When we used this quatations then we ask someone politely to listen to us very carefully or with full attention.It also used when you want to speak directly to people about things that are important or serious. It is basically request between the person who saying and who is listening to think on a meaningful matter or discussion.
** From the speech by Mark Antony in the play Julius Caesar, by William Shakespeare. It is taken from Act III, scene II. (Thanks Wikipedia) Feel free to contact us via our websites. Please note: Pictures used enjoy copyright as property of facingUP Support Services